I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
