He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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