3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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