i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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