And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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