need another drink. this is the easiest way
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
