It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
