So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
