i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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