don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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