hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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