Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
