omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
