Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
