You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
