just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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