Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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