I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
