the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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