Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
