So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
