Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
