That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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