So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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