you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
