can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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