Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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