i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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