Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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