I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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