Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
