someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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