so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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