Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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