people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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