I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I met the friendliest cop last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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