david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
