look no pants
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
