I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
