Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
