New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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