I will die if light touches me.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
