Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
