Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
