That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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