I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
