somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
