Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
then he tried to convert me to islam
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
