I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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