We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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