i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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