Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
