told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
