I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
