Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
