He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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