apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
