it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
