So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
