I think I died a long time ago.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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