sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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