Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
