i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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