so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
