yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
