I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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