don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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