best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
