i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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