is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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