...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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