a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
