I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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