Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
