My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
