It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girls should come with a carfax report
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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